A month ago, I read word-by-word Date Hookup’s definitive online dating guide, an online-based manual created to help the millions of people navigating the online dating sphere today. Broken down into 12 chapters with only four released to date, it claims to be the ultimate and only online dating and app guide you need. A bold claim indeed, but not too far off from the truth considering how well it organizes the specific steps it would take for an individual to be successfully immersed in the online dating world had they not experienced it previously.
I thought back to the one phase I had where I half-heartedly attempted to dive into this realm after my last breakup. I since have not sought to become active in online dating because I realized I did not care for it, but it is not like I have been dating at all this whole time. As a matter of fact, after much thought, I have discovered that I am very…LAISSEZ FAIRE about dating. For me, there is no true desire to actively search for someone to love. It is my belief that when I meet or reconnect with that special someone, romance will spark the way it is destined to. Until then, I am very content with fully engaging in my lifestyle and pursuing my dreams.
As an individual who can be nonchalant about dating, finding use for an incredibly technical, useful and descriptive online dating guide such as the one created by Date Hookup challenged my approach to dating. Have I been thinking about it wrong all along? One night, I spoke with a friend about it during dinner at Urth Caffé Pasadena and she asked me, “Well what’s YOUR dating guide like?” I was quick to answer with a bulleted list of the principles I use to be “successful” in dating. In response she light-heartedly said, “Rosie, your answers are much more pragmatic than mine.”
What is a dating guide, anyway? What use do we have for one where accessibility to millions of eligible partners across numerous platforms make it an overwhelmingly intimidating and daunting task to take on?
The guide by Date Hookup is a perfect instruction manual to jumpstart success in online dating. Yours, mine, and everybody else’s. It is meant to be general enough that anybody can replicate all steps in each chapter to achieve commendable results. These are the instructions you use to get going.
The guide I recited to my friend over dinner was a different one. It was an inner bible built based on my own personal dating journey. Testaments of my own successes and failures. These dating scriptures exist in all of us, specifically our minds and hearts, constructed in very individualistic ways and used once we finally connect with individuals. This self-taught design is what we use to filter through relationships. It is what we use to determine whether or not we invest in someone worthy of it.
Frustrated by acknowledgement of this process of elimination, my friend declared, “But I don’t want to use a checklist to validate the guys that I’m dating!”
I told her that it is an inevitable approach that we all participate in, both consciously and subconsciously. A learned behavior structured to provide efficiency and to protect our fragile hearts.
You can start with the basics by creating that 100% clickable profile and taking a show-worthy selfie utilizing one of the best online dating guides in the market, but when you start acquiring potential dates, do you really know where to begin in clarifying who that perfect partner is?
Even with such refined ideas of who we believe we will end up with, there have been many examples of love redefining our idea of it. Perhaps a dating guide is only as useful as our ability to predict what will come out of love.
To end today’s editor’s letter, an excerpt from last night’s read of Marcel Proust’s Jean Santeuil: “One evening when they had passed one another in the corridor, the desire stirring in each had made discovery of the desire in the other, because desire makes people susceptible, and perhaps most of all because physical entities foredoomed to be united, unite unhesitatingly…the thrill of that first moment when in a corridor before ever they had got to know one another, desire had found desire and as happens when sulphur is brought in contact with phosphorous, had burst into flame.”
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