My Spiritual Awakening

I had my future perfectly planned out according to my life purpose. 

Or so I thought. 

Every single job I ever had as an in-house employee from working for a national organization to working at a startup equipped me with the knowledge I needed to build my own company from the ground up. 

And all those experiences were going to make me super successful. 

Or so I thought.

I was the epitome of a boss babe on the rise doing something no one has quite done before in the United States making more space for Asians and Pacific Islanders in the curly community. 

And that unique edge was what made me important and relevant in the world. 

My curly journey and API Curls was going to be my legacy.

OR. SO. I. THOUGHT!

Between 2020 and the first quarter of 2021, I thought I had my whole life figured out. 

I was working nonstop because for starters, I didn’t have a choice, but to make sure my survival was secure, and because truthfully, I didn’t have a healthy outlet for processing my trauma and tending to my healing.

So I resorted to working because it was a form of validation I grew to love

I WENT THROUGH A VICIOUS CYCLE OF CRASHING

Externally, it looked like everything was going according to plan. What the public saw was a young woman going after her goals and ambitions without faltering. 

What actually happened behind closed doors is that around August 2020, I crashed after having a very off putting online interaction with a social media follower. I felt crushed to experience a situation with someone who clearly demonstrated they had no respect for me. 

A couple of months later, I got back on my feet then quickly returned to my constant work mode clocking in between 10-12 hours a day. If I wasn’t working on billable hours with clients, I was working on building the API Curls empire or strengthening my personal brand’s authority. 

On Thanksgiving, I crashed again from a completely different situation. As a result of spiraling that night, I decided I needed to get my own place. From then on until February 2021, it was very clear that I wasn’t resting. 

I basically lived at my own office and only came home to sleep and shower. I overworked myself even more because I had nowhere else to go.

The only thing I found comfort in was building my future. I couldn’t be present.

EVERYTHING CHANGED IN 2021

In December 2020, I had a prophetic dream that symbolized my spiritual awakening. I, of course, didn’t know it at the time. My vivid dreams became more frequent and more questionable as 2021 went on.

In March 2021, I visited Oregon for the first time and felt peace as if it was an unknown feeling to me. It truly felt like Oregon was home to me

By April, after feeling fully settled into my studio, I felt like I was on top of the world again. I now had a place where I could record more content. I also didn’t have to worry about commuting as much because I was closer to my office. 

I told myself I now had all this breathing room to commit to a self-care routine WHILE maintaining my hustle work schedule. I was even honored to be invited by a former client to emcee a virtual event for them. It was a dream come true to me!

On the outside, it seemed as if I had everything in my life that would make me happy and successful.

But soon after the virtual event, I crashed again. Only this time, I wasn’t able to bounce back into my routine. 

I crashed and couldn’t take flight again and didn’t understand why. I was “self-caring” and I had everything I needed and wanted to live my best life. 

So why was I still having soul stirring dreams and why was I starting to lose interest and motivation for things?

MY DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL WAS A BLACK HOLE MYSTERY

In May, I started experiencing what’s known as the “Dark Night of the Soul”, a period of time where most individuals will feel lifeless, limp and lackluster.

I lacked interest in everything I loved and it pained me so much. I so badly wanted to continue working on the things I was proud of, but I couldn’t get myself to do any of it. 

Every time I tried, I couldn’t focus. Trust me, I tried many times and it was an abusive cycle to continually put myself through.

There were days when getting out of bed was the hardest thing to do. Making it through the day was a feat and by 4pm, I wouldn’t hesitate to leave quickly just so I could go home and lay in the dark staring at the ceiling feeling at a loss. 

I STARTED EXPERIENCING “COLLECTIVE” PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS

My body, on the other hand, was going through a set of symptoms I couldn’t explain either. 

I’m no stranger to PMS symptoms however it started to seem as if I was experiencing common PMS symptoms on a DAILY BASIS.

Ranging from chronic fatigue, spine tenderness to technology sensitivity, I was in disbelief for what was happening! I also had strange skin issues and an even wider range of weird things I was experiencing with my body.

At first, I thought I was in a depressive phase that would eventually pass, which I’m no stranger to, but this was different. This was deeper. Darker. Dreadful.

I had questions and I needed answers. 

I DID AN AKASHIC RECORDS READING & ESOTERIC HEALING SESSION

So on an impulse in the beginning of June, I took the plunge and booked my first ever Akashic records reading as well as my first esoteric healing session. Both were incredibly life changing and full of insight.

But I didn’t know how to fully integrate the learnings into my life. None of it changed why I couldn’t do the things I was happily doing before. 

Around that time, I became closer to someone I consider a spiritual mentor to me. I became more interested and well versed in the topics of astrology and spirituality. I was always into these things, but 2021 is when I started to fully embrace these interests in the public spotlight. 

My Akashic records reading opened up a direct line of communication with my guides and since then I’m more aware of the magic, messages and medicine they’re sending to me on a daily basis. 

I became more accepting of my TRUE life purpose which is greater than what I originally thought it was. By August, I uncovered more information regarding my divine mission.

I also started seeing more synchronicities in the form of sequence numbers. Before that, a dead hummingbird presented itself twice to me and I kept seeing large groups of crows no matter where I went.

These are just a few of the signs and synchronicities I started receiving on the daily!

I WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIC MEDIUM

I still wanted more clarity and guidance so in September, I had my first psychic medium reading in which I communicated with my loved ones and guides.

At this reading, I received greater clarity on exactly what I’m supposed to be doing in this lifetime and what my next steps should be for the next 2-5 years.

I’m sharing and writing about this to you now to open up the conversation regarding the spiritual path as I dive deep into it. I want you to be part of this, too.

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Here’s what I’ve realized about my awakening experiences:

Burning out was a clear message that I dangerously ignored

The initial crash in August 2020 was the Universe’s way of telling me to stop. To say something’s wrong. To show me that this isn’t it. 

That there’s another way to live. That what I was doing or planned to do wasn’t my final destination. 

I kept “crashing” multiple times because I couldn’t see what the Universe wanted me to see. Once I fully accepted my highest life purpose almost a year later, that’s when I stopped experiencing burn out.

My body sensitivity is a gift I didn’t know I had

Remember all those physical symptoms I mentioned earlier in this article? What I’ve come to learn about my sensitivity is that I’m an empath AND a highly sensitive person. The physical symptoms I experience are felt by the spiritual “collective” and based on energetic shifts happening in the Universe. 

Individuals tend to be the most sensitive during their spiritual awakening and it will fade once integration is complete.  HOWEVER, there are certain individuals who may remain sensitive as a result of their spiritual awakening. These individuals are gifted based on their sensitivity. 

Everything I’ve experienced so far in life has been and will continue to be divinely orchestrated

The prophetic dream I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post was about a sacred ceremony. My spiritual awakening is the sacred ceremony of my HOMECOMING.

As I look back on what I originally wrote in my 2021 word of the year post, I now understand and accept that choosing to focus on the word “HOMECOMING” was divine orchestration.

I’m meant to share this with you and I’m meant to be on a lifelong spiritual path. There’s no turning back for me.
Have you experienced your own spiritual awakening or are you also on a spiritual path?

Everything is possible once you know who you are.

Leading your best life requires you to know yourself.
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