Lately I have been thinking about my inner circle (aside from family) and why I choose to keep those people close. As they say, “you are what you eat” just as you are a piece of every individual who influences you the most. You are who they are, in one way or another. This lingered in my mind after attempting to watch a marketing webinar (for work) on creating relationships with influencers.
WHAT MAKES MY INNER CIRCLE SO SPECIAL? It boils down to the traits I value in my relationships with other people: transparency, honesty, communication, openness to feedback and learning, ambition and positivity. The people closest to me have these traits. Then I started thinking about the intention behind my inner circle. I have purposefully kept these people close for egocentric reasons. These people influence me to become the person I want to be and support the life I want to live, the goals I want to accomplish. But what of those who do not possess these exact qualities? What about the people I know who have the exact opposite of those traits? The people in that category are certainly not bad people, only that they do not entirely positively impact my life and therefore I do not invest my time and effort in them. And I make this choice every day.
And then I thought about their perspective. What if, all along, I am someone that these people aspire to be? What if they recognize the need to develop the very same traits that I value and I am an emulation of that? I found myself trying to absolve the dilemma of keeping this category of people at bay while also attempting to positively contribute to their lives. And in these thoughts, I wondered about who I truly aspire to be and who that individual is for my other friends. We all need and want someone in our lives who maintains self-confidence at a level that we wish to reach. I personally have been stellar at loving and accepting who I am and voicing it to a point where it reaches borderline cockiness. I could (and typically do) wake up in the morning with bedhead and look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I am a beautiful, capable human being who can rock the world just as long as I believe myself. Seriously!
Have always assumed that I more than likely play this role for others and have asked some close friends who in their lives is the best (self) lover they know. Answers for who varied, but reasons for why these individuals were identified remained similar. One of my best friends shared this response about her sorority sister:
“In all the years I’ve known her, she’s never voiced any doubt about herself in any way. Not that I think having negative thoughts about yourself means you don’t have self-love, but her ‘I-Don’t-Give-A-Fuck-What-Others-Think-Of-Me’ attitude is what I aspire to have one day. I’m sure she cares, but I’ve never seen it.”
Of the many benefits of self-love, I find confidence knowing that when I show and know that I love myself, I open myself to increasing my capacity to love others. Self-love has allowed me to be at peace with who I truly am, assured that my individuality plays an important role in other’s lives. Self-love has expanded my willingness to be open and make impact in the world.
For those of you who are struggling to practice self-love, you can follow along through the new series, Love Notes & Little Reminders, for positive affirmations and more. And if you are able to identify who the most confident person in your life is, may you remember to remind them of their gifts and how special they are.
And as for THE BEST (self) lover that I personally know, think it’s safe for you to correctly guess who that person is from the little insight to my backstage personality mentioned earlier in today’s letter…