My friends care about me so much that they have gone out of their way to find me dates. Some are for the possibility of scoring a relationship. The others are for the sake of sexual satisfaction during dry dating spells.

I have declined the latter type of offers mainly because I am hyper focused on what it is I know that I want: a real relationship. True love. I never found that those things successfully come out of nonchalant hook ups with strangers and/or casual “friendships” and because of what I have learned to believe; I try to abstain from it. A friend asked, “What makes you think that you cannot have both? Can we not enjoy one (hooking up) while searching for the other (real relationships)?

When I posed these questions to that same friend one night at my house, she responded, “I do not see why and how one has to do with the other.” Over two glasses of Screwdrivers that I made (she hinted that it was too strong, I felt they were damn good) I explained to her that I just cannot imagine how I could ever attract the people I want in my life permanently if I spend my time surrounding myself with the people that I want in my life…only temporarily.

And as a full believer of transparency, I dread the idea of being asked about my casual encounters, the last occurrence of it and then being judged for it. So is my real concern, then, that I am afraid of being harshly judged for such activities in which the judgment could ruin my chances of a real relationship?

I just cannot imagine how I could ever attract the people I want in my life permanently if I spend my time surrounding myself with the people that I want in my life…only temporarily.

Another friend I consulted with admitted, “There was a time in my life when I was hooking up and casually dating as a distraction from the stress in my life. I did not want to think about my mom being sick.” It reiterated my belief that perhaps we cannot find true love if we are using hooking up as a mechanism to distract ourselves from our hardships. Finding the one is no easy feat.

In an age where dating has become accessible at the tip of our fingers, and proof of a committed relationship is solidified through social media, hooking up with strangers and friends has also become even easier. If it is easier to hook up with people than it is to go on dates or to stay in a committed relationship, would abstaining from hook ups increase our chances of finding the one?

Share your questions, comments, quips, quotes & queries in the comment section below or on social media (Instagram, Facebook, Twitter). Would love to know what you think…

Eternally,
Rosie

More editor’s letters & relationship thoughts.


Photography: Self-Photography by Rosie Chuong

Outfit Details: Dress – Vintage Negligee (similar styles by Jill Stuart [ One & Two ], Haute Hippie, & ASOS) | Shoes – Michael Kors Wedges (old, similar styles by Badgley Mischka, Sergio Rossi, & LILIANA) | Gold Bangle (gifted, similar styles here, here & here) | Wicker Basket (vintage, similar styles – here, here & here)

Makeup Details: Laura Mercier Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer SPF 20 in ‘Sand’ | YSL Top Secret BB Cream in ‘Clear’ | YSL Touche Éclat Blur PrimerYSL Touche Éclat Blur Perfector | YSL Touche Éclat in ‘4.5, Luminous Sand’ | NARS Illuminator in ‘Copacabana‘ & ‘Laguna‘ | Anastasia Beverly Hills Perfect Brow Pencil in ‘Soft Brown’ | Chanel Lipstick ‘Impulsive’ (limited edition color, similar shade here) | MAC matte blush in ‘Melba’